Roster


  • Ring Name Unbearableguy 123 Kid
    Rank #4
    Record 41–0 
    Weight Class Flyweight Primate (official weigh-in: 38 lbs soaking wet + one stolen Rolex)
    Height: 3’2″ standing upright, 6’6″ when he’s hanging from the cage ceiling
    Stance Feral switch – Fights orthodox until someone mentions $XRP or $HBAR, then the switch flips, and he goes full berserker, seeking liquidity.
    Signature Moves: The XRP uppercut and the Ripple combination
    Ring Name: Manson the Monkey
    Rank #10
    Record: 41–9 (28 wins by bite-induced staph infection)
    Weight Class: Flyweight Primate (official weigh-in: 38 lbs soaking wet + one stolen Rolex)
    Height: 3’2″ standing upright, 6’6″ when he’s hanging from the cage ceiling screaming
    Reach: 52 inches of pure chaotic claw, plus whatever he can grab with his prehensile tail
    Stance: Feral switch – fights orthodox until someone mentions bananas, then goes full berserker Signature moves: The Helter Skelter, Race War Uppercut and the Bannana Chicken Choke
  • Ring Name: Orlando
    Rank #5
    Record: 29-6-1 (20 submissions by asphyxiation, 8 deaths by color-change-induced panic attack, 1 no-contest after the ring dissolved)
    Weight Class: Open-weight Cephalopod (estimated 180 lbs of muscle and bad decisions)
    Height: 9 ft tip-to-tip when relaxed, infinite when he decides personal space is a myth
    Reach: All of it. Every arm. At the same time.
    Stance: Orthodox until he switches to all eight directions at once
    Signature Moves: Inkoplata, Cuban Necktie Redux, and the Church of the Eightfold Path
  • “Gilfred the GOAT”
    Rank #12
    Record: 44-12 (31 wins by headbutt-induced amnesia, 9 by eating the opponent’s mouthpiece, 4 by sheer stubbornness)
    Weight Class: Middleweight Ruminant (196 lbs of horns, grudges, and expired dreams)
    Height: 4’1″ at the shoulder, 6′ when he’s rearing up to scream at the rankings committee
    Reach: 36″ horns + one very flexible neck when he smells weakness
    Stance: Permanently pissed-off quadruped
    Signature Moves: Tin-Can Driver, Satanic Bleat (now with 60% more reverb), and the Four-Stomach Submission (now with extra bile)
  • Ring Name: “Edgar”
    Rank     #40
    Record: 52-4 (29 wins by trampling, 17 by trunk-assisted homicide, 6 by simply existing in the wrong zip code)
    Weight Class: Super-Heavyweight Pachyderm (14,200 lbs)
    Height: 12′ at the shoulder, 24′ when he rears up and blocks the sun
    Reach: 28-foot trunk registered as a Class-3 weapon in Florida, Georgia, and most of the Atlantic
    Stance: Whatever stance covers three time zones
    Signature Moves: The Memory Stamp, Trunk Guillotine, Peanut-Butter Nightmare, and the brand-new Apocalypse Sit
  • Ring Name: “Edwards the Eagle”
    Rank     #7
    Record: 49-15
    Weight Class: Aerial Apex Predator (69 lbs of feathers, fury, and freedom)
    Height/Wingspan: 7’4″ tip-to-tip
    Reach: The entire troposphere + razor talons
    Stance: Perched on the highest light rig, judging you
    Signature Moves (expanded arsenal of airborne war crimes) The Patriot Act: Classic 180-mph stoop, talons forward, straight through both collarbones. Leaves a perfect eagle-shaped hole in whatever you were wearing.
  • Ring Name: “Lance the Lion”
    Rank     #11
    Record: 21-26
    Weight Class: Apex Heavyweight (510 lbs of mane, muscle, and monarchy)
    Height: 4’2″ at the shoulder, 10′ when he stands on his hind legs
    Reach: 11 feet of claw when he actually bothers to swipe
    Stance: King’s stance: relaxed, bored, and still the most dangerous thing in the building
    Signature Moves: The Pride Rock Driver, Regal Roar, and the Final Judgment
    “Torge the Turtle”
    Rank     #3
    Record: 57-4 (42 wins by unbreakable shell-slam, 11 by slow-motion neck bite, 4 by making opponents die of old age mid-fight)
    Weight Class: Immortal Heavyweight (1,180 lbs of living fortress)
    Height: 5’4″ standing tall, 3’2″ when he pulls in and becomes a boulder with opinions
    Reach: 4-foot prehistoric neck that strikes like a hydraulic spear
    Stance: Doesn’t matter. You’re hitting shell or you’re already dead.
    Signature Moves: The Jurassic Vice, Shell Shock, Thousand-Year Choke, and the Retirement Plan
  • “The Spotted Savage” Jimmy the Jaguar
    Rank      Retired
    Record: 47–1 (39 KOs)
    Height: 6’1″
    Reach: 84″
    Weight: 280 lbs (walk-around 310 during rainy season)
    Stance: Southpaw (with a signature “Tree-Stalk Guard” that lets him vanish and reappear like a shadow in the foliage)Signature moves: The Ambush Overhand Left, The Rosette Ripper Hook
  • Kyle the Kangaroo
    Rank #15
    Record: 54-12 (38 wins by knockout kick, 10 by tail-trip into skull-cracking kick, 6 by just boxing the soul out of you)
    Weight Class: Outback Heavyweight (212 lbs of red-dust muscle, springs, and unpaid child support)
    Height: 5’1″ standing tall, 9′ when he’s fully loaded and airborne
    Reach: 78-inch jab plus a tail that can clothesline you from Narnia
    Stance: Southpaw boxer until he switches to “forget about it, I’m a kangaroo”
    Signature Moves: Jumping double-foot kick to the chest that sends 400-lb heavyweights through the cage wall. Outback Uppercut: Tail-assisted uppercut that lifts opponents clean off the ground; usually followed by a free souvenir photo of the ceiling. Didgeridoo Choke:
  • Marvin the Moose
    Rank     #9
    Record: 38-6
    Weight Class: Northern Heavyweight (1,420 lbs of pure maple-flavored violence)
    Height: 7’2″ at the shoulder, 11′ when he tilts the rack and the arena lights go out
    Reach: 14-foot antler spread; registered as a logging vehicle in three Canadian provinces
    Stance: Lumbering forward until suddenly he’s doing 35 mph with murder on his mind
    : Canadian Tine Impaler: Lowers the antlers and runs you straight through; refs have to count the holes to confirm the KO. Maple Syrup Stampede
    Rollie the Rhino
    Rank     # 25
    Record: 29-7
    Weight Class: Armored Super-Heavyweight (4,180 lbs of prehistoric tank with anger issues)
    Height: 5’10” at the shoulder, 18′ when he lowers the horn and physics files a complaint
    Reach: 6-foot keratin spear + whatever momentum can carry
    Stance: Head down, ears back, permanent red-dot rage
    Signature Moves: Horn of the Dead: Panzer Stampede: Blind charge that keeps going even after the horn is buried 18 inches in your torso and Rino Vice
  • Rambo The Robot
    Ranked     #24
    Record: 21–2
    Height: 8’4″ (10’ when overclocked and flexing titanium abs)
    Reach: 96″ (plus retractable plasma blades and shoulder-mounted railguns)
    Weight: 1,800 lbs (walk-around weight: 2,100 lbs after absorbing an entire Tesla factory)
    Stance: Binary Switch (lasers orthodox, missiles southpaw)
    Signature moves: The 1.21-Gigawatt Overhand Right, The Hydraulic Crush Hook, The Blue-Screen-of-Death Feint
  • Zack The Zombie
    Ranked     #30
    Record: 27–4
    Height: 6’2″ (6’8″ when dragging intestines for dramatic effect)
    Reach: 84″ (arms fall off mid-combo but keep swinging)
    Weight: 178 lbs (walk-around weight: 210 lbs after a buffet of influencers)
    Stance: Shambling Switch (bites orthodox, moans southpaw)
    Signature moves: The Viral Outbreak Overhand Right, The Jaw-Drop Uppercut, The Apocalypse-Now Feint
    Zane The Zombie
    Ranked     #13
    Record: 47–0 (47 soul-devourings)
    Height: 6’6″ (7’1″ when spine is fully unzipped and worn as a cape)
    Reach: 90″ (detachable limbs give +50″ of surprise)
    Weight: 164 lbs
    Stance: Necrotic Switch (groans orthodox, infects southpaw)
    Signature moves: The Black-Veins Overhand Right, The Flesh-Rip Hook
    Douglas The Dinosaur
    Ranked     #20
    Record: 32–0
    Height: 20’ (at the shoulder), 45’ total length
    Reach: 40 ft (tiny arms are a psyop; tail adds 30 ft of knockout range)
    Weight: 9 tons (walk-around weight: 11 tons after devouring a food truck)
    Stance: Primal Orthodox (roars orthodox, tail-whips southpaw)
    Signature moves: The Meteor-Calling Overhand Right, The 12-Ton Tail Hook, The Extinction-Event Feint
    Pinky The Polar Bear
    Ranked     #23
    Record: 427–0
    Height: 11’2″ on hind legs (14’ when flexing for the timeline)
    Reach: 12 ft (claws add another 18 inches of instant regret)
    Weight: 2,200 lbs (walk-around weight: 2,600 lbs after raiding a Costco freezer)
    Stance: Arctic Switch (paws orthodox, hugs southpaw)
    Signature moves: The Aurora Borealis Overhand Right, The Polar-Plunge Powerbomb, The Global-Warming-Denial Feint
    Harry The Hippo
    Ranked     # 22
    Record: 47–0 (47 death-roll chomps)
    Height: 5’6″ at shoulder (16’ when yawning with 4,000 psi jaw gap)
    Reach: 14 ft (opens mouth wider than most opponents’ entire wingspan)
    Weight: 9,900 lbs (walk-around weight: 11,000 lbs after swallowing a canoe)
    Stance: Submerged Switch (charges orthodox, death-rolls southpaw)
    Signature moves: The 3-Ton Jaw-Clamp Overhand Right, The Whirlpool Hook, The Fake-Cute-Baby-Hippo Feint
    Gerald The Giraffe
    Ranked     #21
    Record: 47–0 (45 KOs by headbutt, 2 by leaf-spitting disqualification)
    Reign: 2001–present (longest in ICFC history)Born: Sunrise of the Eternal Acacia, Savanna Planet Giraffica, Perseus Arm
    Height: 19’4″ (neck fully extended: 28’ when reaching for top-shelf NFTs)
    Reach: 108″ (tongue adds another 18″ of pure disrespect)
    Weight: 2,800 lbs (walk-around weight: 3,100 lbs after brunch)
    Stance: Towering Orthodox (head at cloud level, kicks from orbit)
    Signature moves: The Stratosphere Crane Kick, The Neck-Whip Overhand Right, The Leaf-in-Your-Eye Feint
    Samson The Snake
    Ranked     #16
    Record: 21–8 (47 constrictions)
    Height: 42 ft (coiled: 6’9″)
    Reach: 60 ft (plus hypnotic rattle extension)
    Weight: 666 lbs
    Stance: Coiled Switch (strikes orthodox, wraps southpaw)
    Signature moves: The Anaconda Vice-Grip Overhand, The Death-Roll Hook, The Fake-Rattle Feint
    UFO Dude
    Rank     #31
    Undisputed Champion, Interstellar Chumps Fight Club (ICFC)
    Record: 47–0 (47 midnight abductions)
    Height: 4’1″ (glowing silhouette adds perceived 9’ of intimidation)
    Reach: Infinite (via high-intensity light beam projection)
    Weight: Weightless
    Stance: Hovering Switch (beams orthodox, silences southpaw)
    Signature moves: The High-Beam Overhand Right, The Memory-Erase Uppercut, The Anal-Probe Feint
    Alfred the Alien
    Rank     #26
    Record: 25–2 (46 abductions)
    Height: 3’7″ (12’8″ with antennae fully extended for signal jamming)
    Reach: 360″ (tentacles + tractor beam extension)
    Weight: 89 lbs
    Stance: Zero-Gravity Switch (floats orthodox, probes southpaw)
    Signature moves: The Tractor-Beam Overhand Right, The Anal-Probe Uppercut, The Crop-Circle Feint
    Slim The Scorpogoat
    Rank     #27
    Record: 37–10
    Height: 5’9″ at shoulder (tail arched adds 8’ of instant death)
    Reach: 120″
    Weight: 1,400 lbs
    Stance: Quadruped Switch (hooves orthodox, tail strikes southpaw)
    Signature moves: The Horn-Gore Uppercut, The Bleat-of-Doom Feint
    Skully The Shark
    Rank     #17
    Record: 22–2
    Height: 22’ (dorsal fin cuts the surface at 8’ when stalking)
    Reach: 30 ft (plus 360° ampullae of Lorenzini detection)
    Weight: 4,800 lbs (walk-around weight: 5,200 lbs after a yacht appetizer)
    Stance: Predator Switch (circles orthodox, lunges southpaw)
    Signature moves: The Blood-Frency Overhand Bite, The Death-Roll Tail Hook, The Dummy-Decoy Feint
    Yogi the Yeti
    Rank     #37
    Record: 47–0 (47 frozen maulings)
    Height: 9’8″
    Reach: 11 ft
    Weight: 1,900 lbs
    Stance: Blizzard Switch (swings orthodox, buries southpaw)
    Signature moves: The Sub-Zero Overhand Right, The Ice-Claw Uppercut, The Mythical-Sighting Feint
    Galileo the Gorilla
    Rank     #19
    Record: 40–4 (39 KOs)
    Height: 6’2″ (standing)
    Reach: 92″
    Weight: 450 lbs
    Stance: Orthodox
    Signature moves: The Ground-and-Pound Overhand Right, The Silverback Hook, The Roaring Feint
    “The Desert Destroyer” Carlos the Camel
    Rank #18
    Record: 27–4
    Reach: 82″
    Weight: 1,400 lbs (walk-around 1,600 with full water reserves)
    Stance: Orthodox
    Signature moves: The Thousand-Mile Overhand Right, The Spit-Filled Uppercut, The Mirage Feint
    “The Bamboo Basher” Paul the Panda
    Rank     #28
    Record: 21–6 (39 KOs)
    Height: 6’0″
    Reach: 80″
    Weight: 350 lbs (walk-around 400 with full bamboo reserves)
    Stance: Southpaw (with a signature “Bamboo Guard”
    Signature moves: The Rolling Thunder Overhand Left, The Black-and-White Hook, The Lazy-Look Feint
    “The Pinch King” Louie the Lobster
    Rank     #6
    Record: 37–0 (29 KOs)
    Height: 5’10” (claw tip to tail)
    Reach: 90″ (with extended crusher claw)
    Weight: 220 lbs (walk-around 250 after a big boil)
    Stance: Orthodox (with a signature “Claw Guard”)
    Signature moves: The Crusher Claw Overhand Right, The Butter-Dipped Hook, The Bubble Feint

    “The Ferocious Fury” Wesley the Wolverine
    Rank     #29
    Record: 18–0
    Height: 5’8″
    Reach: 72″
    Weight: 220 lbs (walk-around 250 with berserker rage)
    Stance: Orthodox (with a signature “Berserker Guard”)
    Signature moves: The Relentless Overhand Right, The Clawed Fury Hook, The Fearless Charge Feint

    “The Razorback Rage” Patrick the Pig
    Rank     #8
    Record: 27–0 (39 KOs)
    Height: 5’9″
    Reach: 76″
    Weight: 420 lbs
    Stance: Orthodox (with a signature “Trough Guard”
    Signature moves: The Bacon-Sizzle Overhand Right, The Ham-Hock Hook, The Oink-and-Charge Feint

    “The Galloping Gladiator” Hank the Horse
    Rank     #38
    Record: 28–3 (39 KOs)
    Height: 6’8″ (to the withers)
    Reach: 88″
    Weight: 1,200 lbs (walk-around 1,300 after a full oat binge)
    Stance: Orthodox (with a signature “Stable Guard”
    Signature moves: The Thunderhoof Overhand Right, The Bucking Bronco Hook, The Neigh-and-Charge Feint

    Big Red the Black Bear
    Rank     #2
    Record: 47–0 (39 KOs)
    Height: 6’8″ (standing on hind legs)
    Reach: 88″
    Weight: 700 lbs
    Stance: Orthodox with a signature “Cave Guard” he red mohawk bristles to unnerve opponents)
    Signature moves: The Paw-Smash Overhand Right, The Grizzly Maul Hook, The Roar-and-Rush Feint

    “The Vintage Voltage” Ollie the Old Robot
    Rank     #35
    Record: 3–20
    Height: 6’4″
    Reach: 80″
    Weight: 850 lbs (walk-around 900 after full capacitor charge)
    Stance: Orthodox (with a signature “Vacuum-Tube Guard”
    Signature moves: The Spark-Plug Overhand Right, The Servo-Motor Hook, The Beep-and-Advance Feint

    “The Stalking Storm” Thompson the Tiger
    Rank     #14
    Record: 32–2
    Height: 6’10” (standing on hind legs)
    Reach: 92″
    Weight: 650 lbs (walk-around 720 after monsoon feast)
    Stance: Southpaw (with a signature “Jungle Prowl”
    Signature moves: The Stripe-Slash Uppercut, The Bengal Pounce Leaping Hook, The Silent Stalk Feint (followed by an explosive roar and claw-rake combo)

    “The Radioactive Rampage” Mikey the Mutant
    Rank     #34
    Record: 8–10 (34 KOs)
    Height: 7’2″ (standing on hind legs)
    Reach: 96″
    Weight: 820 lbs
    Stance: Switch (with a signature “Wasteland Lurch”
    Signature moves: The Mutation Mash Overhand, The Toxic Claw Ripper, The Glow-and-Growl Feint

    Ring Name: Pepe the Frog
    Rank     #1 Champion of CFC
    Record: 47–0
    Height: 4’1″
    Reach: 69 inches e
    Stance: Switch-feels – fights relaxed until someone triggers him
    Signature moves: The Feels Good Man Guillotine, Smug Frog Takedown and the Sad Pepe Rear-Naked Choke

    Ring Name: Oscar The Octopuss
    Rank    : #49
    Record: 8-14
    Weight + infinite suckered variants
    Height: 5’5″ coiled chill in his can, 9’2″
    Signature Moves: The Grouchy Trash Can Frenzy Guillotine, Smug Sesame Takedown, and the Sad Crazy Rear-Naked Tentacle Choke
    Ring Name: Ole 4 Arm Larry the Alien Boxer
    Rank     #45
    Record: 4–18 (32 wins by inducing existential multi-arm despair)
    Weight: 220 lbs soaking in cosmic radiation
    Height: 6’4″ standing chill, 9’9″ when he’s smug and towering over your feels with all arms Reach: 99 inches of pure quad-limbed manipulation, plus whatever he can stretch with his Stance: Switch-arms
    Signature moves :The Feels Good Man Quad Guillotine, Smug Larry Takedown,
    “The Desert King” Lloyd the Lizard
    Rank     #44
    Record: 5–5 Height: 8″ (tail excluded)
    Reach: 12″ (with tail whip extension)Length: 18″ nose to tail tip
    Weight: 2 oz (walk-around 3 oz after big bugs)
    Stance: Low crawl (with a notorious rock-perch variation he calls “The Basking Defense”)
    Signature moves: The Lightning Tongue Lash, The Sunbeam Dodge Hook, The Tail-Whip Feint
    Ring Name: Puckett from Pluto
    Rank     # 43
    Record: 13–12
    Weight 180 lbs
    Height: 5’8″
    Reach: 77 inches
    Stance: Switch-probes
    Signature moves: The Feels Good Man Beam Guillotine, Smug Pucket Takedown, and the Sad Pluto Rear-Naked Probe
    Ring Name: Gilbert
    Rank #42
    Record: 55–0 (38 wins by inducing existential swampy despair)
    Weight : 450
    Height: 11’0″ lurking chill, 15’6″Reach: 99 inches
    Stance: Switch-snaps – fights
    Signature moves: The Feels Good Man Death Roll, Smug Gater Takedown, and the Sad Gilbert Rear-Naked Chomp
    Ring Name: Alex the Crazy Looking Alien (with the Big Head)
    Rank: #41
    Record: 6–3 (42 wins by inducing existential manic despair)Weight Class: Meme
    Weight: 150 lbs
    Reach: 88 inches
    Stance: Switch
    Signature Moves: The Feels Good Man Frenzy Guillotine, Smug Alex Takedown, and the Sad Crazy Rear-Naked Probe
    Ring Name: The Critter
    Rank    : 50
    Record: 0–1
    Weight 250 lbs
    Height: 5’5″
    Reach: 88 inches
    Stance: Switch
    Signature Moves: The “Fell Out of a Coconut Tree” Guillotine, Smug Unburdened Takedown, and the Sad Crazy Rear-Naked Word Salad Choke

    Freddie the Fishlizard
    Ranked     #39
    Record: 32–3
    Height: 6’4″
    Reach: 82″
    Weight: 218 lbs (
    Stance: Fisherman’s Swivel
    Signature moves: Mudskipper Dash, Gill Flare Body Shot and the Abyssal Stare Fein
    The Circuit Emperor” Doge
    Ranked     #33
    Record: 69–0 (69 moonshots)
    Height: 3’2″ (5’11″ when standing on hind legs for dramatic effect)
    Reach: 42″
    Weight: 42 lbs
    Stance: Doge Switch (cute orthodox, savage southpaw)
    Signature moves: The Much Powerful Overpaw Right, The Infinite Treat Hook,
    “The Circuit Emperor” Sharl
    Ranked     #47
    Record: 4-7
    Height: 5’9″
    Reach: 72″
    Weight: 168 lbs
    Stance: Circuit Switch(sleek orthodox, brutal southpaw)
    Signature moves: The Much Critical Overload Right, The Infinite Recursion Hook, The Error-Screen-of-Doom Feint
    “The Hooded Tyrant” Cobra Commander
    Ranked     #48
    Record: 1–6
    Height: 6’1″ dramatic hiss)
    Reach: 76″ (plus infinite venom-coil whip and holographic propaganda projection)
    Weight: 185 lbs
    Stance: Cobra Switch (calculated orthodox, ruthless southpaw strike)
    Signature moves: The Much Ruthless Overhood Right, The Infinite Viper Hook, The Hiss-Screen-of-Terror Feint .

    Ring Name: Rico the Red Ant
    Rank,”#36
    Record,”10–2 (Undefeated streak intact. 35 wins by mandible KO – Each bite leaves a tiny scar shaped like a rumble symbol, forcing opponents to retire and become foragers forever.)”
    Weight: 5 oz
    Height,”0.25″”
    Stance, ”Aggressive switch
    Signature Moves, The Rumble Charge (A blinding headfirst tackle that sends foes flying like crumbs in the wind), Ant Avalanche Uppercut

    Ring Name: Unstable Nick
    Rank    : 46
    Record: 7–3
    Weight: 189 lbs stable,
    Height: 6’1″
    Reach: Variable –
    Stance: Erratic Oscillator –
    Signature Moves: The “Phase-Out Phantom Punch” (disappears mid-swing and reappears inside your guard), Reality Rend Lariat, and the dreaded Emotional Meltdown Implosion

    I am really excited about the CFC project. Members will be able learn from other and to collaborate on other projects. Also, members will be able to add their fighters and members will get to vote on who wins